Sunday, October 7, 2012

October 7, 2012
Genesis 2:18-24; Mark 10:2-16

PREACHER: Pastor Carrie Smith

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

 

One day last December, I dropped my kids off at school and raced down to Chicago in early morning traffic, arriving just as businesses were opening for the day. I parked near Daley Plaza, where the German Christmas market was still shuttered, but the scent of pretzels and glühwein lingered in the air from the day before. I made my way into the Cook County Courthouse, through the security lines and up to the 8th floor, arriving finally at my destination—Family Court. I was there, not for my own family issues, but to accompany a dear friend in the next step of a long and painful divorce. This time around, it was to ask for a permanent restraining order against her ex-husband.

It was still early in the morning, but the courtroom was already filled with people. There were several newly divorced couples working out child support, a mother who had taken the kids out of state against the wishes of the father, a couple so angry they needed a guard to stand between them, and countless others who quietly awaited their turn in front of the judge. And there was my dear friend sitting beside me, whose divorce proceedings and the ensuing custody issues had lasted nearly as long as the marriage itself, and who now needed a court to protect her from the father of her children—a man she once stood beside in a church to be joined in marriage, for better or for worse.

This is why, when I read the appointed Gospel passage for today from the 10th chapter of Mark, I can no longer approach it from a distance. Now, when I read “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate,” I am transported back to that courtroom, surrounded by all those broken promises, shattered dreams, and families in pain. When Jesus says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh,” I can no longer evaluate these words from afar, but instead find myself recalling the sights and sounds of that day, waiting on a courtroom bench with all those broken hearts.

Sitting on these church pews this morning, whether you know it or not, you are also surrounded by broken hearts. Most of you have been touched by divorce in one way or another. When you hear the words “divorce”, “adultery” and “the two shall become one flesh” spoken from the pulpit, I know you are not just hearing a Scripture passage. You, too, are somewhere else, or with someone else, feeling the painful reality of these words in your own life.

If you have ever wondered whether the Bible is relevant to life in the 21st Century, here’s your proof that it is. Here is Jesus tackling an issue that is as central to our lives today as it was in 1st century Palestine—and just as difficult to talk about. Marriage, divorce, and family may look different today than they did in Jesus’ time, but one thing remains the same: Human relationships are broken. From the beginning of creation, God made two people, for God said it is not good for us to be alone. For this reason, we were created to be in relationship with one another. And from the beginning of creation, we have been messing it up.

“No, it’s ok Adam, go ahead and eat the apple!”
“But she told me to eat the apple, Lord!”
“How should I know where my brother is? Am I to be my brother’s keeper?”
“I’m tired of waiting for God to give us children. Abraham, why don’t you go make a baby with our servant-girl, Hagar.”
“Let’s sell our brother Joseph into slavery, so we don’t have to look at that crazy technicolor dreamcoat of his anymore!”

As long as there have been two people in the world, we have been hurting each other.

And so we would like to control things from here on out.

We would like to know the rules up front. We want to set boundaries, define marriage, and make laws. We would like to order our lives and our relationships to ensure maximum freedom and minimum pain. The Pharisees asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” In the same way, we want to know the loopholes, the exceptions, and how to get out of the contract.

How many pre-marital sessions do we have to do, Pastor? Is there a buy-out clause? When can we get out of our cell phone contract? Are we due for an upgrade? Is there a penalty for prepayment of our mortgage? What if I want to change my pledge after I fill out my pledge card? Exactly how binding is our commitment?

We, like the Pharisees, would prefer to know the rules of our relationships. We want to know the guidelines so we can control the situation—and perhaps avoid pain.

But Jesus says: It’s not that easy. A relationship—whether it’s a marriage, a friendship, a partnership, co-parenting, or living together as a community—is never something put in a box. You, Adam, were formed out of the dust. You, Eve, were fashioned from a rib. And neither one of you is God. Stop pretending that you are.

We want to know what we’re supposed to do, and Jesus reminds us of who we are. We ask legal questions, and Jesus refers us back to creation.

Let’s be clear--I am in no way making a pitch for so-called “biblical definitions of marriage”, because I doubt any of us would be too excited about reinstating polygamy, arranged marriage, or the practice of considering wives as property to be owned.

But neither do I think Jesus gives Christians a free pass, allowing us to freely enter and leave relationships at our convenience.

Instead, I think Jesus both deepens our commitment to and widens our understanding of relationships by calling us back to the beginning, when God made two people, not one, and then bound us together in love.

Looking back at Mark, chapter 10, we see that the Pharisees wanted an easy out. They wanted to know that their understanding of marriage as something controlled by the law (and managed by men in charge) would remain the same under Jesus’ jurisdiction. But Jesus refuses to engage in a legal argument. Instead, Jesus reminds them that relationships do not begin or end on paper. “Because of your hardness of heart you have these laws,” he said. “But the two become one flesh. There are no easy outs.” As anyone who has been affected by divorce can tell you, the pain and the consequences continue long past the final court proceedings.

Later, when the disciples questioned him again, Jesus made it plain: Divorce is never the simple answer. Just because you followed the law does not mean you have avoided sin. Getting the final decree doesn’t mean you’ve exited without causing pain—for yourself, for your family, or for your children. “Whoever divorces his or her spouse” says Jesus, “even if he or she is following the law, is a sinner in need of grace.”

But then, like a skilled politician in a national debate, Jesus pivots, changing the conversation away from the law and toward love.

Just after this conversation about marriage and divorce, people are bringing little children to Jesus, and the disciples start shooing them away. And Jesus is unimpressed. The Scriptures even say he was indignant. He says to the disciples:

“Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.

I don’t think it’s an accident that these two seemingly unrelated scenes about divorce and children are linked together in the book of Mark.

In the midst of this conversation about our brokenness and our pain, about the reality that marriages fail and relationships end, Jesus makes it plain that it’s not our job to manage everything. We will strive to get it right, we will seek to honor our commitments, but our laws, our efforts, and our good intentions will never create that perfect utopia, where all relationships are clearly defined, where marriages are always happy, where children are seen and not heard, and where no one is ever hurt.
Instead, taking up a child in his arms, Jesus shows us: The kingdom of God is something we receive, as a little child receives an embrace. It is a gift. It is grace. It is forgiveness—which we have because of God’s love for us.

Sisters and brothers, Jesus binds us together with God’s love, God’s forgiveness, God’s grace, for it is not good for us to be alone. He shows us, on the cross, how to love deeply and sacrificially. He encourages us to be “all in” when it comes to marriage, or friendship, or community. And above all, what we learn from this difficult Gospel text is that while marriages fail and divorce happens, there are no easy outs.

But there is forgiveness. There is love. And there is grace, which we receive as little children in the arms of Jesus. Thanks be to God.

Let us pray:
Loving and forgiving God,
If we understand that the Gospel is your Good News for our Bad Situation, then perhaps in this case, relationships are both the good news and the bad news. Deepen our love for one another and strengthen our commitments to marriage, to friendship, and to community. And let us receive your kingdom as a little child, with hearts open to your love and forgiveness, which we have because of your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.